


We are Fragile Creatures

by wordsthatmademefall



Category: Chicago PD (TV)
Genre: Antonio-centric, Canonical Character Death, Descent, Homecoming, Spoilers, goes through, season 6, starts at 5x22
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-25
Updated: 2019-02-10
Packaged: 2019-10-14 10:10:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17506607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wordsthatmademefall/pseuds/wordsthatmademefall
Summary: The death of one of their own was the beginning. It was the first hit. Then, they just kept coming.These are the missing moments that led to Antonio's fall.Set during and after 5x22 "Homecoming."





	1. ...then we'll mourn Al

_"We are fragile creatures, and it is from this weakness, not despite it, that we discover the possibility of true joy" -  
Archbishop Desmond Tutu (The Book of Joy)_

 

 

The answer was written all over the Sergeant’s face. It was in the set of his jaw, the slump of his shoulders. It was in his eyes.

Despite this, despite intuition and years of experience telling him what his head couldn’t process, Antonio hoped their fears would be denied. But the shake of Voight’s head broke the dam in his mind, and with it, the buzzing energy of the waiting room dropped away to be replaced by a heavy fog.

The air in the room got heavier, harder to breathe. Something in Antonio pushed him to leave, to escape, but in a few steps, his knees threatened to give out and he had to catch himself on the wall.

In the back of his mind, the sound of sobs, of the door, of his own breath, registered, but there was only one thought: Alvin Olinsky was dead.

* * *

 

The doors closed behind Voight, leaving the room in silence once more. For a few moments, the Intelligence Unit was frozen, letting the reality of the situation wash over them.

They wouldn’t be seeing their friend anymore. They wouldn’t get to see him recovering in a hospital bed, telling them not to worry about him in that soft tone that carried huge weight and spoke volumes. He wouldn’t be coming back.

Antonio moved away from the group and his gaze went to the hall that led to the operating rooms. The room where Alvin’s body lay. A hand came to rest on his back, and out of the corner of his eye, he saw Trudy move to stand next to him. He felt as though he should say something, but there were no words. His mouth was dry, and a lump in his throat was blocking any words or sounds from being uttered anyway. So they just stood side by side looking at doors that were no longer the real obstacle between them and their friend.

What started as a weight in his chest when Voight walked into the waiting room to deliver the crushing blow, had slowly melted away to nothing but a vacuum as they were told to do their jobs and find Alvin’s killer. But now, as Antonio blinked hard and forced himself to turn back to the world, he felt a new sense of determination and anger rise up in him. So with a final nod to Trudy and a soft touch to her arm, Antonio walked with purpose past Upton and Halstead, the last two remaining in the waiting room, to get to work.

* * *

**_“When we got this prick… then we’ll mourn Al.”_ **

Voight’s words replayed in Antonio’s head again and again as he made his way to the prison. Finding who did this. That’s all that mattered right now.

They needed to catch the one responsible for the murder of… for this murder.

Taking a deep breath and pulling his car into park, Antonio counted down in his head from ten to clear his head.

They would solve this and catch the killer. They would get justice for Al.

* * *

Five thousand dollars.

It’s not the first time he’s seen crimes committed for something so senseless, and it won’t be the last. Not to mention, the amount was laughable really, if he could find it in him to see anything about this situation as funny. But all he felt as he stared at down at Dietz was disgust.

* * *

“Stop! We don’t need you!”

“Back up! This is not what Al would want!”

The door finally opened putting an end to his and Ruzek’s yelling.

Hank stood, winded, blocking the inside of the room from their view. “I interrogated the prisoner. He was not cooperative.” With a final glance back before stepping out into the hallway, he finished with, “I am convinced he’s involved.”

Before the door could fully close behind the sergeant, Antonio stepped in and saw what he was looking for but, at the same time, had hoped he wouldn’t see. He felt a cold shock run up through him. The prisoner was on the ground, struggling to hold his head up, could barely open his eyes. His remaining breath left him with a curse, “For God’s sakes, Hank”

“He tried to choke me with his handcuffs.”

As the words reached Antonio’s ears, his mind immediately dismissed them. Their history together ran back far enough for him to automatically deem the half-hearted attempt at an excuse as bullshit.

But the credibility of the story to an outsider threatened their case. And Olinsky’s memory.

“The hell you doin here?”

“You don’t believe my story?” The insult the question carried was like a punch to his gut, especially when he had time and again shown he would never rat out Voight like that. Antonio understood what Voight was really asking. That wasn’t the point he was trying to make. Not really.

“I wanna do right by Al-”

“I said he tried to choke me,” Hank said sharply, cutting him off, “with his handcuffs.”

“You don’t believe me, then file a beef.” He wouldn’t, because that would get them nowhere- “And get the hell off the case.”

* * *

Nails digging into his palms, Antonio walked to his car. He opened the door, but the flare of anger inside him made him pause, and slam the door shut again. He slapped his hands down on the top’s edge and, with shaking breaths, attempted to reign in his anger. And his hurt.

This whole thing was Voight’s fault. As childish as the statement sounded in his head, it was true. Olinsky was put in prison because of Voight’s actions with Bingham, and Hank’s failure to act after his arrest resulted in him dying in prison.

Where did it end?

Alvin protected Voight. He defended him. Tarnished his reputation for him. Voight’s actions now, threatened himself and their entire unit. Alvin’s death will have been in vain if they slip up in this investigation. If Hank goes too far, the rest of them are in danger, and it could start all over again.

As these thought cycled through Antonio’s head and distracted him from the anger, another emotion surged into focus: sadness.

Al would not have wanted this.

His mind went back to what Jay had told him about Pulpo’s arrest after he had been shot. How Alvin had stopped Voight. How Alvin had seemed haunted when he pleaded with Hank to not kill Pulpo. _“I think he was grateful we stopped him”_ Jay had told him.

Screw Voight. Antonio would never even consider taking himself off this case. He needed to see this through, for himself, and for Alvin. And justice would be served the right way, he had to make sure of it.

* * *

“You go that way, I’m going here.”

 _What?_ “Wait, I-”

“That’s an order”

He didn’t have time to question as Hank ran to take the stairs. _Damn it!_ Running to the right, Antonio went to clear his side.

 _I’m getting too far!_ Turning on his heel, Antonio ran back to where he and Hank had split up and went straight to the steps. Reaching the top of the stairs, he could hear Hank’s voice yelling, so he broke into a sprint. _Shit!_ Dread filled Antonio as he realized that he had left Hank with no backup. Then a shot rang out. _No no no!_ Scared of the sudden vision of another teammate’s body flashing in his mind’s eye, he carefully cleared the corner, ready to jump back to cover if someone shot at him. But relief replaced the fear when he saw Hank standing above who he presumed was DeLeon.

“Hank! You okay? What happened?”

“He’s got a gun in his waistband, he was reaching for it.” _Dead._ Antonio looked back at Hank, before patting down DeLeon for the weapon. His hand felt something, and his mind relaxed as he pulled the object out: a gun.

Thankful that DeLeon hadn’t gotten a chance to draw his weapon, Antonio breathed out a sigh of relief. _It’s over._

“Yo, what the hell, man! You just killed that dude! He had his hands up! You shot his ass anyway! I saw the whole thing! You shot him in cold blood.”

 _What?_ The accusations felt like arrows piercing his chest. _No_.

Horror gripped Antonio as the man’s yells continued. “You got no right to do that! No right at all!”

Looking up at Hank, Antonio found himself at a loss, afraid of what Hank would say, and, worse, if he was about to lie to him again. But Hank simply turned away and keyed his radio calling in shots fired.

Antonio looked back down at the gun in his hand, reassuring himself that it was really there, and replaying in his mind what he had seen when he’d caught up to Hank. The panic only mounted when he found there was no real way to support what Hank told him.

The men had started yelling again, he realized, and he looked up to see Hank stepping in their direction, but he beat him to whatever he was about to say, “Hey, get lost!”

“No! That’s messed up! He had his hands up!”

“I said be quiet!” Antonio saw Hank turn to face him, but he didn’t acknowledge the look.

“We’re not going anywhere! He shot that guy!”

Frustrated, Antonio walked off with a glance in Hank’s direction. He keyed his radio to check in with the team, telling them he’d meet with them downstairs. Until this was sorted out, the less people involved, the better.

* * *

* * *

* * *

 

“Hey, what happened out there?” “This witness is all over the news saying DeLeon’s hands were up high?” “Yeah, is he telling the truth?”

 _Jesus._ Their voices were crowding in on him, the words pounding into his skull and making his headache worse. “I don’t know I didn’t see it. I got to the scene right after Voight opened fire.”

“Press about to go crazy over this”

“Yeah this is not a good look for Voight”

 _Tell me about it._ “I get it, but I mean-”

“But what?” His frustration ticked up higher at being interrupted.

“There’s nothing I can do. I wasn’t there, so I can’t confirm or deny if Carlos reached for his weapon-”

“Can’t confirm or deny? What are you a lawyer?”

“I didn’t see what happened!”

“It doesn’t matter! Who cares?”

“Excuse me?”

“We’re talking about the guy who killed Al here. We’re talking about a career criminal who paid some punk to kill our friend, our brother, and you’re worried about what you saw, or didn’t see. I don’t und-” _As if he could forget all that!_

“Watch yourself, man!”

“Watch yourself? I’m right here!”

“What is going on?” _Platt._ White-knuckled, Antonio took a few deep breaths.

“We’re good. We’re just talking over a few things.”

“Antonio.” The tone had his defenses climbing even higher. “Ivory Tower called. They want to talk to you about the Carlos DeLeon shooting. Now.”

Before anyone could even attempt jumping down his throat again, Antonio practically ran out of the bullpen. He felt the eyes of every officer on him as he made his way out of the building. With more force than necessary, he opened the car door, got in, jammed the key into the ignition and drove off.

 _God what a mess._ His hands tightened on the steering wheel. _I shouldn’t have left him alone. I should have just gone up the stairs with him. I should have had his back the entire time._

With a twinge of guilt he had to confess that, a part of him had felt glad to see Alvin’s killer dead. _Then, what if what those two guys were saying about DeLeon’s hands being up had been true?_ The thought makes him glad he had not seen anything at all. He couldn’t lie for Hank against his own better judgement.

_But I don’t think I could let myself be the reason we lose Hank anyway by telling the truth. It could be because of me that Alvin’s sacrifice would be for nothing._

His mind went back to the time he had served the warrant for Kevin’s arrest. To the sadness he had felt at having to go after one of his own for the job. And it wasn’t like that was the only time. Voight, Kevin, Banks, Kim. He had gone after fellow cops. And for each time, right or not, he knew the hurt everyone had felt he had inflicted. The betrayal they had felt. Three of those hadn’t been too long ago in hindsight; over a year now, but with everything that they had all been through, it felt like decades.

He wondered if everyone wouldn’t be surprised if he were to leave Hank out to dry now.

But there was no way he could completely back Hank. If the witnesses already told everyone that Hank had shot DeLeon when his hands were up, who’s to say they wouldn’t tell everyone that Antonio had arrived after the shooting had already occurred. This would be investigated with full force, and lying now would only screw them all over. The damage wouldn’t be limited to just them two, the entire unit would be under scrutiny, and he couldn’t do that.

His resolve hardened by the time he pulled up to headquarters. The feeling of guilt was pushed down to a low murmur to sit like lead at the bottom of his heart, and it only get heavier as he made his way upstairs.

* * *

“I heard one shot fired, and then another. By the time I got there, the offender, Carlos DeLeon, was down and Sergeant Voight had his weapon drawn. I went to check on DeLeon. He wasn’t breathing, had no pulse. He was dead. Sergeant Voight told me that DeLeon had a firearm and he had been reaching for it. I found the gun under his jacket. Sergeant Voight called it in.”

The room was silent while his statement was recorded, and the board took in the information for themselves.

“How long were you and your Sergeant separated?”

 _Too long._ “Two or three minutes”

“Could you hear what Sergeant Voight was saying to the offender?”

His mind raced back to when he had heard Hank’s yelling on the roof, “No, I couldn’t make out what he was saying.” He couldn’t remember anything but the fear of Hank alone and in trouble.

“Detective, is there anything else you would like to add?”

 _Yeah. That monster Hank shot was responsible for the death of a detective, our brother,_ Antonio wanted to make clear. He looked around at the faces of his superiors. For the most part, none of them had any kind of expression, no clues as to what they thought of his statement. One or two looked a bit more sympathetic to his position. He resisted the urge to look at his FOP rep to avoid seeming at all uncertain.

“No, nothing.”

“Very well, thank you for your statement Detective Dawson. We’ll let you know if there is anything further. You’re dismissed.”

Antonio stood with a “Thank you,” to the room, a nod to his rep, and made his way to the door. _They didn’t ask about the witnesses. Did they know he had come into contact with them? That they had yelled their accusations to him? Would they have known if he had lied to protect-_

His breath caught in his throat as he found Hank in the hall. Hank looked concerned, and his steps slowed as his first instinct was to reassure but his fear of what Hank would ask him kept him from stopping. And Hank didn’t try. So he walked passed him to the elevators. By the time he made it and pressed the call button, he felt like he hadn’t taken a breath in a while. He felt dizzy, and the lump of guilt was back in his chest.

* * *

A block from the district, Antonio pulled his car over. He had reports and paperwork to finish on this case, especially for the review. But he didn’t think he could handle walking back in to be met by the accusing stares of his coworkers, the questions from his team. Tapping his fingers on his knee, he thought about what to do. It wasn’t dark out yet, but it was getting there. He decided to wait it out, wait for shift change before coming back for the paperwork. Putting his car in gear, he pulled back out and drove.

* * *

**JULIE B. WILLHITE**

He pressed his fingers to his lips, then brushed them lightly across her name engraved on the wall.

 _God, almost five years ago now,_ he realized with a deep sadness.

He missed her. He missed getting to talk with her about their kids, the way she’d laugh at his bad jokes. He remembers her smile, how she’d act like the reluctant mom of their unit full of children. The way she would roll her eyes fondly at his and Jay’s banter, share looks with Erin at their antics. How she’d poke fun at Alvin when he would egg them on, prolonging the games while pretending to take no real interest.

He remembers the gunshot. Her hitting the ground. Warm blood between his fingers. Calling her name, begging her to stay with him. The eternal wait before the sirens reached his ears. He remembers the last time he got to see her, as he and Hank laid her down on the gurney, and she was put in the back of the ambulance. How pale she’d been, how lifeless…

A car horn sounded nearby, jolting his mind back to the present. Blinking away the pressure that was building behind his eyes, he looked at his hand resting beside her name. It felt cold.

Glancing around, he saw that the sun was setting. He was still alone here at the memorial. The walls made him feel so small. There were just too many names, but still, soon there will be one more engraved.

 _I miss you._ The next thought had his eyes watering. _Take care of Al, alright Jules? Tell him… Tell him we miss him. And, God, we… we got the guy. We got him._

He bowed his head for a moment, and said a quick prayer, letting a tear fall to the ground at his feet.

With a deep breath, he pushed away from the wall at last, and with one more glance at his partner’s name, and a final goodbye to all the fallen men and women around him, he made his way out of the memorial.

* * *

* * *

 

_[Today, 16:09]_

_Hey dad! I’m going to the movies with some friends tonight_ _  
_ _Want me to order some dinner before I go?_

_[Today, 17:42]_

_You must still be busy, sorry! Val is picking me up soon!_  
_We’re actually gonna grab some food before the movie_ _  
_ I’ll be back around 10

_Love you!_

_[Today, 20:44]_

_Sorry Eva. Busy day. I’ll be home late._  
_Don’t wait up okay?_  
_I have some things to finish up before I can go home._ _  
_ I love you

 

Looking at the time on his lock screen again, he was sure almost everyone from the last shift had gone home by now. Especially his team, after the days they’d had. He walked swiftly through the doors and up to the Intelligence office. He released a breath when he found it empty.

No one would be coming in again tonight, so he sat at his desk and got started on his reports.

* * *

**01:57**

Gabby let her hand fall back down, resting the phone against her lap, and her gaze went back to the tv that was currently showing some car ad. She didn’t really know what she had been watching, her mind busy thinking of her upcoming trip to Puerto Rico.

She was making mental list of things that she had to take care of, when she registered the sound of a door clicking shut. She turned to see Antonio had finally come home.

Her brother was obviously surprised to see her there. “Gabby?” She got up, turned back to shut down the tv, but didn’t move towards him yet, “What are you doing here? Where’s Eva?” More and more worry leaked into his tone with each question.

“She’s asleep,” She said, making sure he could hear the steady confidence in her voice to reassure him.

His shoulders relaxed and he nodded before moving to hang up his jacket. When he turned to the kitchen, Gabby followed him.

“There’s pasta in the fridge.” She said, leaning against the counter. Eva had told her that she wasn’t sure if he had eaten, so Gabby had made him a quick meal just in case. Antonio grabbed two beers from the fridge, and shot a questioning look to her, asking if she wanted one. She shook her head “no” so he put one back. She waited as he opened the bottle and took a large pull, then slowly brought the bottle down to the countertop. He didn’t say anything, just looked at the bottle.

“Have you eaten? Eva wasn’t sure if you’d had time.”

He didn’t respond to her question. Concern filled her as the silence dragged on.

“Antonio?” She tried again.

He finally looked up, confusion on his face. He hadn’t heard her. “Sorry, what?”

She offered him a small smile and said again, “Eva said you were really busy today. Did you eat?”

 _“_ Oh, uh, no, not yet.”

“Why don’t you sit down? I’ll heat some up for you.” It wasn’t really a question. Gabby moved past with a small push directing him towards the table, and she pulled out the pasta to microwave him a plate.

While the food heated, she observed her brother as he sat at the table. He was running a finger up and down his beer bottle, not drinking it. The microwave beeped, so she took the food and made her way over to him. When she set it down in front of him, he picked up the fork, but he didn’t make a move towards the food yet. Gabby didn’t say anything, just sat next to him and waited.

As though suddenly jolted from his thoughts, he looked up at her with an apologetic expression, “Sorry. Were you here long? I didn’t-”

“Oh no,” She interrupted gently, “I wasn’t waiting long, don’t worry.” She had gotten there around 11, but it didn’t matter.

“Did you need something?”

Gabby looked at him for a moment before answering, “I heard about Olinsky, Antonio.” She finally admitted quietly. Mouch had called her earlier that evening with the news of Olinsky’s death. He had been directed by Trudy to ask her to check in on Antonio.

It was as though the words drained the energy -  if he had any left at all - from him.

“Oh.” He said quietly.

Gabby pushed on, “I’m so sorry.”

He didn’t look like he had any response, but she wasn’t waiting for one. She laid her hand on his arm. As if he just realized he was holding it, he set the fork down and closed his hand in a fist.

“You found the one responsible.” She hadn’t put it out as a question, but he nodded anyway. Strangely, at the same time, her statement had Antonio tensing up, as if he was bracing himself. Puzzled, she waited for him to say something, but he didn’t offer up anything.

After a short silence, she took her hand off his arm, but it was just so she could move her chair closer to his. She laid her arm across his back letting her thumb gently rub his arm and felt him slowly relax. She let her head rest against his shoulder.

After a few moments, he turned and placed a kiss on her head and put a hand over hers. She could tell he was tired. And his reaction had her worried, because it seemed as though something else was bothering him. But one thing at a time.

“Did you still want to eat?” she asked after a few seconds more.

He patted her hand gently, and took a breath before speaking. “Yeah of course.” He said with an attempt at a bit of false cheer. She appreciated him trying.

“You don’t have to, y’know,” She said with a smile as she moved her chair back.

“Gabby,” he said softly, “thank you.”

The raw emotion plain on her older brother’s face made her heart melt. “I will always be here for you, Antonio.”

* * *

“And that was Alvin Olinsky. The most loyal, toughest, best cop, and friend, there ever was.”

They all raised their drinks, “To Al.”

Antonio watched the ring of beers they poured for their fallen brother. With their toast finished, he walked away from the group to look out to the water and enjoy the silence. They had decided to come and celebrate Al tonight, taking last night to rest and cope in their own ways after the case had been closed. And he was glad for that break, if he could count yesterday as one anyway, otherwise his nerves would be too fried to truly celebrate their friend. As he listened to the seagulls and the waves, he let his mind clear of everything but memories of Alvin. He felt almost peaceful for the first time in days.

“Sorry about before,” Adam said walking up to Antonio, cutting into that silence. “Been a rough few days”

Antonio nodded. It had been a very hard few days since Alvin had been arrested. Tensions were high all around. Especially for Adam. Olinsky was Adam’s partner, his mentor. Antonio could forgive him for a moment of anger.

“How’d it go at the Ivory tower?” _Or they could do this again… Really?_

“What do you mean?” _Don’t do this here._

“Come on, Antonio. Did you back, Voight?”

Anger filled Antonio at Adam’s persistence. “That’s none of your business.”

“See, I politely disagree cause we’re talking about Voight’s future here, so it’s very much my business.” _It’s really not._

Antonio didn’t want to ruin the evening, so he was going to give him one more chance to let it go, “Like you said, it’s been a rough few days. So I’m gonna ignore all this, but don’t push it Adam,” “ _Hey.”_ Kevin had heard them, was trying to interrupt, but Antonio had to settle this, “you hear me?”

Kevin tried again, “Hey. Can we let this go? Let’s let this go, alright? It’s about Alvin tonight.”

Antonio felt ashamed for letting this sour Al’s night and so, without anything more, he tapped his beer against Kevin’s and walked away back to the middle of their gathering.

Looking around to see what everyone else was doing he saw Kim laying on the hood of a car, gazing up at the sky. Meanwhile, Jay and Hailey were talking quietly to each other.

He paused when he saw Trudy. She was looking right at him. It was safe to assume she had seen, or heard, him and Adam. With a deep breath, Antonio turned to lean against the side of the car next to him, looking out at the water once more. He wondered what she thought about it.

Trudy was one of the best cops out there. He learned a lot from her during his days as a patrolman. He respected her greatly for her commitment and bravery, her refusal to take any shit from anyone and how she will not hesitate to give someone a dressing down for screw ups. As hardcore as a cop she was, however, she, Voight and Alvin were close friends. Would she look down on him for ruining Voight when they had just lost Alvin?

He went to take another drink, but the bottle was empty. As he walked to the cooler to pick up one more, he noticed that everyone else was still talking amongst themselves. Trudy had gone to stand with Kim. Opening his new bottle, Antonio went back looking out on his own once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god. I couldn't decide where to start this. I only wanted to write an ending scene for Gabby and Antonio for 5x22, but while trying to understand the events from Antonio's perspective to try to get the emotions right: I ended up just writing out key pieces of the episode. SO that's what happened.


	2. Everybody Wins

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you know they dropped a Al/Michelle/Antonio storyline in S3. Yeah, it was right when she just dropped off the face of the earth!  
> Well, she's in here, cause I hate how she just stopped existing.

_ “... Call everyone in.” _

The call ended abruptly and the line went dead. Hank had hung up. 

Antonio let out a heavy sigh as he massaged his forehead. He was so tired. Their unit had been given the last three days off, due to the loss of one of their own, barring any high priority cases. Antonio hadn’t seen anyone since they had all had drinks in Al’s memory. 

He had been spending his time with Eva while he had it, before she started college and would be busy with studying and classes.

Despite the time given to them to recharge, he found the thought of returning to work already taxing, a feeling he wasn’t used to. 

He wondered if Hank’s review was over since he was the one calling him. He couldn’t lie. That’d be great, for Hank, of course, but also for his own peace of mind. He hadn’t forgotten everyone’s reactions to his involvement in the review. With Hank there, things would be okay. 

* * *

“Now, Antonio’s gonna take the lead.” 

He should have expected this, honestly. He had just hoped that by some miracle they really had let Hank off the hook. He sent up a prayer that they all could act professionally and, for the most part, be willing to take orders from him with their leader benched. And benched no thanks to him. By the looks exchanged between them all, it was clear, they weren’t okay with this. 

_ Wonderful. _

Hank had started listing tasks for them to get started. It must be killing him to be sidelined. The least Antonio could do was prove to Voight that they could get the job done. 

“I got it, Hank. I’m good.” 

“Sarge, you wanna tell us what’s going on? Why aren’t you involved?”

“The COPA thing. They’re still investigating the shooting. Listen I’m on the bench until it’s resolved”

Adam’s “Way to step up, bro.” had his blood boiling.  _ Here we go again.  _

“Stay out of this Adam”

Whatever Adam might have said next was cut off by Hank, “Hey. Enough. Now listen, everything’s gonna be fine. _ ” We’ll see. “ _ So stop talking and track down that bad dope.”

Hank’s exit stopped any further discussion, so it was time to get moving.

“Alright, let’s get to work.”

* * *

Jesus, Adam was getting on his nerves. He was grateful for the leads Adam was getting - obviously from Voight - but they were risking a lot by him getting him involved at all. And it was obvious Adam wasn’t going to stop disobeying him and running to Voight for help. 

It was unfair for Adam to imply that this was about him turning his back on Hank. He wanted these drugs off the street. He knew that if Voight were with them, and it hurt his pride to admit this, they could be moving along much faster. The whole team was likely thinking the same thing. But there was a right way to do this that didn’t risk Voight further, or anyone else in their unit.

* * *

_ “Nobody cares how hard you try… Get it done.” _

He knew the reprimand was coming. And that just made this all even more frustrating. The case still unsolved and the bodies piling up further were on him. Their unit was fraying at the edges. He was barely keeping himself together. These past few days’ events were still unresolved and this was going to push them over the edge.

* * *

Red. 

That’s all Antonio could see as he was pulled outside by Kim with Hailey and Jay close behind. Yanking his arm away from Kim’s grip, he struggled to pull breath into his lungs and walked quickly away from his team members. When he made it no more than a dozen steps and still couldn’t breathe, he stopped and reached to grasp the bars of the fence with his head bowed. 

_ Son of a bitch!  _ He tried to calm down by focusing on the metal under his palms. After a few seconds he was finally able to think again. And what had just happened finally broke through, and so did the remorse. Slamming his hands against the fence twice sure didn’t help, but he did it anyway. 

“Antonio, go cool down. Get your head on straight.” 

He hadn’t heard Jay come closer to him. Turning, he took a breath, ready to tell him he was fine, but was interrupted.

“No, get out of here. We’ll take care of this.”

The twinge of hurt he felt at being dismissed was quieted by his recognition that this was his fault and he needed to get it together. He wasn’t needed here. So he nodded and walked back to his car without another word.

* * *

_ I shouldn’t have let myself lose control like that.  _

He had chosen the wrong time and place to confront Adam about his insubordination and then had finally snapped. He should know better.

He was hurt. That’s what helped push him past his breaking point. He was hurt that not only was it shown to him that they wouldn’t have solved the case without Hank, but that Adam and Hank had gone behind his back to prove it to him. 

The problem was that Hank didn’t trust him anymore to have his back. He must blame him for his being stuck in limbo with the department. The anger in Antonio was re-emerging with the thought. 

After all they’d been through, and having tried to prove his loyalty again and again. 

He needed to talk to Hank.

As he started the car, his phone rang.

“Dawson.”

_ “Detective Dawson. Report to my office. I’d like a word.” _

Brennan was already aware the case was finished then. But what did she want?

“Yes Ma’am.” 

She hung up quickly. Throwing his phone to the passenger seat, he rubbed his forehead roughly and heaved a sigh before heading to Brennan.

* * *

“Before you go, I’d like to talk to you about the shooting incident. Off the record, did you really arrive a few seconds too late, or was that your way of avoiding the problem. What I’m saying is, if you left anything out of your original statement, something that might be helpful to us, I can schedule a follow up interview. No harm, no foul.”

And that’s what this was really about. She believed he was covering for Voight. 

“No ma’am like I said the other day when I was debriefed, I arrived on the scene a few seconds after the incident.”

She studied him carefully, was trying to see if he’d crumble. But she wouldn’t find what she was hoping for.

“Hmm, sit. Tell me how did you actually find the heroin. The more details the better, for the press.”

He paused, contemplating what to tell her. He ruled out lying immediately because that would be idiotic. If his story didn’t pan out, they’d be called to task on their investigation regardless of having dope off the street. In this case, the truth could help them all. Especially Hank. He was the one who solved this, ultimately. 

“Actually, Ma’am, you should know that our investigation was aided by valuable intel provided by Sergeant Voight.”

She didn’t seem at all surprised by the admission. But he wouldn’t let her try to turn this against Voight.

“If it wasn’t for his information, there’d be another fifty dead bodies out on the street.”

“So he approached you with this information.”

“I trust Sergeant Voight, and his dedication. Under his leadership, our unit has had the highest closing rate in the department. This city needs him.” 

The hurt from before came back as he said the truth out loud. Silence followed his statement as Brennan continued to study him, but he stood by what he said.

“Thank you for being honest with me, Detective. You’re free to go.”

“Thank you, Ma’am.”

* * *

He found Voight at one of his usual haunts. And by the time he did, the anger from before had come back with a vengeance.

“We gotta talk”

“Hey, congratulations. You guys are all over-” 

“What happened,” He wanted answers. It was one thing to be mad at him for not covering his ass, it was another to try and make him look incompetent.

Voight wasn’t one to play dumb, “I had an angle and I played it.”

“Why? Hm? To make me look bad because I didn’t cover for you?” 

“I was trying to help,”  _ At my expense. _ “Trying to save lives.” 

There it was: Hank didn’t trust him. “Then why didn’t you tell me.” He heard all he needed to hear. 

He turned to go when Voight called him back, “Hey, come here. Come on. Why didn’t I tell you?” Cause i didn’t want to jam you up.”  _ What? How? By helping him get deadly heroin off the street? _

“What does that mean?”

“Antonio, I need you clean, I know things’ve been choppy. But I like the fact you have your own code even if its different than mine. Listen to me. The best thing you can be is you. The best thing I can be is me. I mean it’s not easy, I get it. Bro, we pull it off, everybody wins.”

Voight’s words stunned him into silence. It was true. From the beginning, their strange dynamic just worked. But he felt like he was being jerked around. 

He didn’t know how to respond. He was still angry at being kept in the dark, no matter what Voight’s intentions were. 

_ Everybody wins _ , he just shook his head, and left

* * *

* * *

It was just their team, Trudy and Meredith left standing in place while everyone else left.

Antonio watched Meredith as she was offered condolences from various guests. As she was talking to the last guest, he slowly walked up to meet her.  _ Her child and her husband, all too soon.  _ His heart broke for her as she turned to him with teary eyes and accepted his hug.

“Thank you, Antonio,” she whispered, sniffling. 

“For you and for Al, anything,” he comforted her, rubbing her back gently, “I’m so sorry.” The words came without a thought. But he was, he was sorry.

They pulled away, and she turned to greet Trudy and the rest of Intelligence as they came over. 

Antonio walked back over to Al’s headstone. 

He brought his fingers to his lips, then laid them down on the stone. 

“I love you, Al.” 

A small grin came to his face as a distant memory of Al’s words formed in his head:  _ You gotta tell me love me back, otherwise I look like an idiot. _

* * *

“I’m sorry I didn’t go to the funeral.”

Michelle’s statement made him pause. Looking back to where she sat at the edge of the ring, he saw that she was looking down and twisting her tape in her hands nervously. 

He didn’t say anything yet, just walked over to sit down with her. 

As if the words couldn’t get out fast enough, she started again, “I wanted to go, I- I was going to-” her voice broke as tears filled her eyes.

“You don’t have to apologize,” he told her with as much understanding as he could put in his voice, placing a hand on her back. 

Michelle still didn’t look up at him, but she nodded, “I just thought someone ought to know.” 

“Michelle,” he said waiting for her to meet his eyes. When she did, wiping tears from her eyes and sniffling, he continued, “he loved you. I hope you know that.” 

He said this without a doubt in his mind. Alvin looked after her, stayed with her, even when it cost him his relationship with his wife and Lexi. He’d flipped his lid when Antonio had suggested getting Michelle to compete, like any parent would. He’d encouraged Michelle as she turned her life around, and Antonio saw the pride on his face when he came to watch Michelle grow into a new woman.

Michelle took a shaky breath as she tried to steady herself. Nodding, she told him with renewed strength, “My friend offered to let me stay with her. She said she could help me find work, real work.”

“That’s great, Michelle. Where at?”

“Gary, Indiana,” she said with a small smile. She chuckled at his perplexed look, “Yeah I know. But, I want to get away. And this just feels right” She finished confidently.

He could see that she was serious, so he held off the many questions. This was her fresh start. She wanted this, so he was going to be supportive. 

“Well, I’m gonna miss you. But I’m happy for you.”

“Thanks Antonio. For,” she paused looking around the gym, “well, everything”

He stood up, “C’mere” she stood and he pulled her into a hug. Letting go, he kept a hand on her shoulder and said, “I’m proud of you. You let me know if you need anything alright? I’ll be right here.”

With a bittersweet smile, she nodded, and he watched her as she grabbed her bag and walked away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for basically recapping these two episodes. I just think they are really important state-of-mind-wise for Antonio, because this is where it all seemed to start falling apart for him.  
> Starting now, it's going to be all original! Exploring the time gap between the Al story and "Endings" . Exciting!


	3. Moving on

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gabby leaves for Puerto Rico, and there is still tension between Adam and Antonio

“Oh man. Those ceremonies take hours! They’re so impersonal too! Hell of a way to send our future generations out into the world.”

Sitting and watching an hours-long ceremony surrounded by screaming and crying families wasn’t something he wanted to do, but his baby girl was  _ graduating.  _ He still couldn’t wrap his head around it.

“Yeah, but Diego thinks we may get some goofballs on stage, maybe some people in too high heels falling all over the place.”

“That’s just mean, Antonio.” 

Smirking, Antonio just shrugged, “You’re cutting it a little close.”

Gabby nodded and picked up another french fry, “Yeah sorry about that. But I’ll be back by then. It’s just two weeks.”

There was more to it, he could tell, “How’s Matt taking it?”

“He’s not happy about it,” she let out with huff, “but I think some time apart will be good for us. It’s not just the baby. It’s just… we’re just different, we want different things, we have our own ways of doing things. It just took us until now to realize it.”

He could see that. They spent all their time together, working in the same firehouse. In all that time, it must have just seemed like they were always going to be moving in the same direction. But it sounded like they were avoiding their issues. 

“I’m obviously not the best person to give relationship advice.” And it’s not like she’d ever taken his advice before, “I’m sure everything will work out.”

Gabby was pensive, and looked a bit skeptical, but that was for them to figure out.

“What time’s your flight again?” He asked, handing his card to their waitress to pay for their dinner.

“8:50”

“Need help with your bags or anything?”

“Nah. Matt and I are good.” 

Funny, considering their conversation. 

“Alright.” 

They walked out of the diner with his arm around her shoulder, hers around his waist, letting the cool air wash over them. He 

“Hey if you need anything, and I mean anything, give me a call, okay?” He told her as they walked to her car. 

She chuckled, “Yeah, sure big brother. If I need something, in Puerto Rico, I’ll be sure to call you.”

“Hey, let me worry about all that.” He said, laughing. They came to a stop at her car, “I mean it Gabby. If you need anything, if you just want someone to talk to, call me.”

She gave him a fond look before returning the demand, “Sure, but same goes for you okay?”

“Yeah,” the thought of Gabby leaving, even just for two weeks, made him sad. They’d never been so far apart before, and honestly, the idea scared him.

“I love you, Antonio,” Gabby said, pulling him in for a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

“I love you, too,” he replied, squeezing her tight, “Get some rest. Call me when you get settled over there, yeah?”

“You got it.” she said pulling away. 

He gave her a small wave as she got into her car. She drove away, and he waited until she disappeared down the street before turning and making his way home.

* * *

 

* * *

It was late, nearly midnight, but he and Kim had been called about a body being found by patrol. 

“Mugging gone bad?” 

He hummed noncommittally. Male, white, late 20s. No wallet, no car keys, but his watch was still around his wrist. His eyes trailed over the man’s torso. Multiple stab wounds. The memory of surveillance footage flashed in his mind.  _ Alvin sliding to the floor _ … Shaking himself back to reality, he refocused on the victim, “He’s a bit overdressed for this part of town,” he muttered, clearing his throat. 

“Drug deal gone bad?”

_ I’ll bet.  _

“You guys wanna take this one?” The uni who had called for detectives was back. 

Kim looked over for his opinion. It had been a bit of a slow week since Alvin’s funeral, not that they were complaining. He shrugged, “Sure, we’ll take it.”

* * *

 

“How’s it going?”

Antonio looked up from the file of their new person of interest to see Hank leaning against the side of his desk. 

“Meet Bill Carmichael. Brother-in-law of our DOA Benjamin Cooper.” His and Kim’s case hadn’t been as straightforward as they had thought, but that’s what they got for wishing. 

“So not a drug deal gone wrong?” 

That’s what they had gone with, but their first three suspects - drug dealers operating in the area, who confessed to meeting with Cooper - revealed they had nothing to do with the murder but heard him arguing with someone else after their deal, someone named Bill. 

“No. Turns out Cooper’s father, who recently passed, was withholding money from his daughter, Abigail, wife of our POI. Money and the estate went to Ben.” 

“Priors on Mr. Carmichael?” 

“Ha. You bet,” Kim chimed in walking back toward them, “This guy’s rap sheet is ridiculous. Assault, drug possession, illegal possession of firearms… Mrs. Carmichael  _ née  _ Cooper, isn’t that much better. Easy to see why dad didn’t leave her anything.”

Antonio got up and grabbed his jacket, “We confirmed he was nearby at the time of the murder. We’re about to go pick him up.”

Hank nodded. “Alright. Looks like you guys have it under control, but why don’t you take Atwater and Ruzek with you.” 

There was a pause as they looked over to Kevin and Adam who had obviously heard Hank’s suggestion. Things hadn’t exactly been great between him and Adam. Hank’s return had them dropping the obvious animosity between them, but nothing had really been resolved, and things were still tense. 

“Sure Sarge,” Kevin answered for him and his partner. Adam looked like he wanted to say something, but it seemed he thought better of it with a glance at their sergeant’s face.

* * *

 

“Drop the weapon!” 

He and Kim were pinned down at the front door with one of the  _ happy couple  _ raining bullets through it. He just hoped Adam and Kev could get in through another entrance since they had gone to the back of the building. There was no way to get through the front door. 

The bullets stopped and they heard Abigail yell and glass breaking. Then, thankfully Adam’s voice and one more gunshot. With a nod to Kim, Antonio shouldered the door open. They moved into the apartment, but upon seeing that the room split to two directions that both led to the back room, Antonio motioned for Kim to take the kitchen while he went through the hall.

_ “Where’s he? Where’s your husband?”  _

He felt his stomach drop at Adam’s question. 

Just as he felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up, he saw Kev come around the corner hurriedly, “Look out!” 

He was lucky he had brought his arms up, as Bill Carmichael swung out with something from the door just ahead of him to the right. He grunted as his left arm was hit by whatever Bill was holding. He didn’t react quickly enough to catch BIll, however, as he pushed past Antonio to the front door. 

“You good?” Kev asked hurriedly. 

“Go after him!” Antonio told him and Kev shot off.

Kim appeared at the end of the hall, “Are you okay?”

He didn’t answer, instead he asked quickly, “You guys good here?”

“Yeah we got her. Go.” 

Antonio ran to catch up with Kev.

He followed Kevin’s report of his location over the radio saying he was in pursuit. It wasn’t hard since they left a trail of confused bystanders in their wake. 

His heart stopped when the gunshots sounded ahead.  _ Kev. _

Thankfully he was able to catch up to Kevin crouched at the end of the block before the overpass. 

Bill must have gotten tired of running, “Stay back! I’m warning you!”

Antonio leaned down to Atwater, “You okay?” 

“Yeah, man,” Kev responded, winded.

“Okay. Go that way,” He ordered motioning around back. 

“Copy,” Kev got up and ran to catch Bill on the other side. 

Antonio took a breath and took a look around the corner. Bill was looking around, panicked, “Bill! Give it up! Drop the gun and get down on the ground. Now!” 

“Stay back!” Bill screamed again.

“Bill, toss the piece!” Another shot hit the corner of the building in front of Antonio.

Another three shots sounded as Bill screamed. Peeking around, Antonio saw Bill on the ground and Kevin walking up to him. He jogged to meet up with them as Bill’s gun was kicked away.

He clapped Kevin on the back, and Kev nodded to him, keying his radio to call it in. Meanwhile, Antonio went to check on Bill. 

“He’s dead.” 

With the adrenaline wearing off, his arm was starting to hurt. Annoyed, he rubbed it to relieve the ache setting in. Kevin noticed.

“Hey, is it bad?”

“Hurts,” he replied, shaking his head, “but nothing serious. I’ll live.” 

Kev chuckled, “Good.” 

“Did you get a look at what he swung at me?” Antonio asked, curious.

“A bat.” 

“Damn.” Stabbed a guy two nights ago, swinging a bat, shooting at officers. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah I’m good. Glad you caught up.” 

That made Antonio feel guilty. He’d sent Kev after him alone, got him shot at, “Man I’m sorry-”

But Kev stopped him, “No no. I didn’t mean it like that. No harm done.”

He still didn’t feel better, but he was saved from responding by the sound of sirens arriving.

* * *

 

Hank was standing outside his office, waiting, as the four of them returned. 

“Hey Sarge,” Kim greeted happily. 

“The Carmichaels?” He asked. 

“Mrs. Carmichael is at Chicago Med. Mr. Carmichael, dead at the scene.” Kevin answered.

“Alright.” Hank said.

“Yeah. Murder weapon was found at the apartment. Idiot used one of his knives from his collection to kill his brother-in-law. Didn’t even clean it. Wife was going on about how they were owed and her family was keeping them from their happy ever after,” Antonio scoffed, “Drugs all over the place too.” He started gathering up everything for the case file on his desk.

Even Hank was shaking his head at the ridiculousness of it all, “Well, great. Good job.” He said meeting Antonio and Kim’s gaze. 

“I wanna celebrate an easy case, for once, with a drink.” Kim announced to the room with a sigh, making Antonio chuckle, “Molly’s anyone?” 

“You bet,” Kev answered immediately. 

“Adam? Antonio?” Kim questioned. 

Antonio busied himself with his papers while Adam hesitated as well. Adam hadn’t said a word to him at all. When they had gone back to check on Kim and Adam back at the Carmichael’s, Adam had given Antonio merely a once-over and walked straight over to Kev. 

He decided to back out first before anything got more awkward, “Actually, I think I’m gonna get started on these reports.” Kim looked like she was gonna protest, so he kept going, “I have some personal sessions at the gym to get to also, so-” he finished lamely.  _ Nice going, idiot. _

It was obvious no one believed him, but thankfully, no one chose to comment. 

“Alright,” Kim said, “Uh, Adam?”

Antonio sat down at his desk and pulled up a form while Adam answered.

“Um, yeah. Yeah count me in.” 

They all headed toward the stairs, Kim, with a squeeze to Antonio’s shoulder on her way out, “Please don’t work too hard,” she said with a smile, “and ice that arm.”

Man, does he adore her. With a chuckle he replied, “Get out of here, go have fun.” 

With one last smile, she’s out.

Antonio realized then that Hank was still hanging around

There was silence in the office while Antonio started his report, still waiting for Hank to say what was on his mind. 

Finally, when Hank still hadn’t moved or said anything, he had to ask, “Something on your mind, Sarge?”

“Hurt your arm?” Hank asked.

“Eh, Carmichael got the drop on me, with a bat.” He told him.

“Mm.” was Hank’s reply, and there was a moment of silence again. Hank broke it this time, “You okay, bro?”

Antonio knew he wasn’t talking about the arm, and his chest tightened, “Yeah, I’m just gonna ice it later.” 

Hank looked like he was going to call him out on dodging his question, but changed his mind, “Okay,” he went into his office and grabbed his jacket, turned off his office light and shut the door, “Get some rest, alright?”

“Yeah.”

“Have a good night.”

“You too.”

The gate clanged shut after Hank, and with a deep breath, Antonio continued writing up his case report.

* * *

* * *

“She’s gonna be disappointed.” And she wouldn’t be the only one. It felt like forever since he had last seen her. It was such a strange feeling since they were so close, and he would always see her at Molly’s. 

“I know I’m so sorry,” Gabby said sadly, “One of the supply trucks was raided and that relief station needs help. I had to extend. I’m sorry,” she said again.

“So you’re staying, what, another week?” 

“Two weeks”

“Oh,” He knew she could see the disappointment on his face, but he couldn’t help it, they all missed her. He missed her.

“Tell Eva she’ll still get her graduation gift from me, I promise.” 

“Yeah yeah, I’ll let her know. Are you working right now?” It was Saturday. Last time she had video-called it had been during the weekend and she had seemed exhausted, but happily told him about all the work they were doing. 

“Oh yeah, Thanks to the stuff on that truck going missing, we had to pull a bit of overtime.”

“You taking care of yourself over there?” He knew how she could be. She’d work herself to the bone if it meant she could help others. 

“Of course.” Her face lit up in excitement, “Oh remember the little boy I told you about, the one who caught that stomach bug?” 

“Oh yeah, how’s he doing?” She had gone into detail about a small boy at a relief center last time they’d talked. He could tell by her fond expression when she had talked about him that he had reminded her of Louie. 

“He’s doing so much better, was up and running around with the other kids the other day! I actually had to tell him to take it easy.” 

“That’s really great.” 

A voice filtered through, grabbing her attention just then, the owner of which he couldn’t see on his screen, “Okay, I’ll be right there,” Looking back at Antonio, she had an apologetic expression, “Sorry, I have to go.”

“No problem. Love you Gabby.”

“Love you too.” 

* * *

* * *

“There was that one kid that dabbed.” Diego said, reaching across the table for another napkin.

“That what?” 

“Dabbed” Antonio clarified for his mother, “it’s a dance move”

His mom still looked confused, but decided she didn’t care enough to ask more.

Eva laughed, “Yeah. Thank you for dinner,” she said, smiling at her father. 

Antonio smiled back, but inside, he felt a bit heartbroken at their small group. His mother was here, but, while he had mostly patched things up between him and his father, she was still uncomfortable seeing him, so his father had declined the invitation to dinner. Laura and her boyfriend had left shortly after the graduation ceremony, and only spoke to Antonio to confirm she would be picking up Diego Sunday night. Gabby was in Puerto Rico. 

His daughter, who, just a couple of hours ago, graduated with Honors, at the top of her class, deserved better than the remnants of two broken marriages and scattered loved ones.

“What time are your friends expecting you?” His mother asked, interrupting his melancholy thoughts. 

“At eight. Erika’s mom is driving us to the rec center.” Eva answered checking her phone.

Antonio looked around their table, “You guys ready to go?”

At Diego and his mother’s nod, he grabbed his jacket and stood, “Alright, let’s get going.” 

Holding the door to the restaurant open for his family, he was about to follow Diego and Camilla to the car, when arms around his waist held him in place.

“I love you, dad.” Eva said, holding him tight. 

Choked up, Antonio put his hand over his daughter’s, and turned to hug her properly.

“I love you too, baby girl. And I am so proud of you.” 

After a few moments, they pulled away, Antonio dropping a kiss to his daughter’s head, and walked to the car.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made an assumption about Eva's age and I didn't feel like going back to make sure. Since at the beginning of S5 she was doing a college essay, and in S6 they talked about midterms and she was home in the middle of the day, I had Eva graduate at the end of S5.


End file.
